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sildilIt's funny how these characters we create take on a life of their own....there was I needing to leave the EOAS tagboard in the middle of a chat to Eldanar, so I sent Sildil out, upset by something that Eldanar had said or done. I didn't really know what it was, it just seemed to be a way to leave. Anyway, while cooking tea and musing on said elf, I came up with an entire back story to explain his black mood!.....and a day later and after helpful tweaking by geek6 (Eldanar)here it is. So for those of you who know and love the silly elf,
Sil's Dilemma....
It’s funny how things can change in a just a few minutes. Sildil had been having one of those typical conversations with the elfling Eldanar, about being grown up and having responsibilities. The discussion turned to how, if Eldanar’s adopted ada Elladan, had to be Lord of Imladris, Eldanar and Orophin would be there to hold his hand and support and look after him.
It made Sildil feel wistful as he realised that he missed such totally accepting love and comfort. He started to think sadly about friends who were missing, or that he had lost. He did have people who were dear to him here in Imladris, like Nov, who was always looking out for him, Luthien, Estelle, Lord Anu and Tux among others; yet he suddenly felt achingly lonely and afraid. Perhaps his dark mood had really started when heard that Tux was going to be taking a position as a guard? A conversation with Tux and Taelin had scared him after Taelin had described how he had recently been injured by orcs while doing guard duty. Many buried memories had pushed themselves to the surface and given Sildil concern about Tux’s safety. Lord Anu had not been around to cheer Sildil up as he had business elsewhere, and in his increasing depression he recalled how badly he had behaved to Morgana some time earlier in the year, and how he had hurt her. He could never begin to explain himself.
When he muttered to Eldanar that he was not very good company as there was a black cloud hanging over him today, and that he was missing his friends, Eldanar had rolled his eyes and said that it was probably because everyone was always busy.
Eldanar’s expression and look took Sildil completely by surprise. In the way that all at once, children can take on the characteristics of one parent or the other, Eldanar looked the very image of his ada, Tuor, and the sudden reminder of the fair elf hurt. Everyone knew that Sildil and Tuor had been good friends, that after Tuor died at Helm’s Deep, Sildil had searched everywhere for Eldanar, to give him his ada’s quiver as he had promised, but no one knew, because Sildil had never told anyone, that in fact he and Tuor been lovers.
Being suddenly reminded of his lost love, together with his black mood, sent Sildil out of the shop hurriedly, as he could not face being reminded of Tuor anymore as he looked at the elfling. Nor could he face trying to explain his sorrow to him, especially as he had vowed to himself never to tell anyone how he had felt. Sildil did not want to upset Eldanar in any way now that he had found him happy and settled with his new adas, Orophin and Elladan.
Sildil wanted to get as far away as he could, and as fast as he could. He needed somewhere to sit and think. After walking for a mile or so, he found a peaceful spot overlooking the river, sat down and allowed himself to remember his closest friend.
Sildil knew Tuor for many years, long before his friend had met and married Eldanar’s mother, a mortal woman named Mathilda. Sildil had been happy for the elf and had defended his friend’s choice of partner at first, as many thought that Tuor was making a mistake, but Sildil could see that his friend was happy and that was all that mattered to him. The first hint that things were not quite right with the marriage appeared when Tuor had told Sildil that he was leaving Lothlórien and was going to move to his wife’s home near the Iron Hills. Mathilda was pregnant and wanted to be near her family.
Sildil missed Tuor more than he liked to admit. He had come to realise that his feelings for his friend had steadily grown deeper, but he told himself that his love had to stay unrequited as Tuor had made his choice and was now married with a child on the way. He did not see Tuor again until his first child was born, by which time things had started to go seriously wrong. Tuor had not realised that Mathilda had only married him so that she could have a pointy-eared elvish child, and when Eldanar arrived, with rounded, human ears, she was bitterly disappointed and began to subtly mistreat the infant. Tuor had tried to make things right, and thought at first that it was just because Mathilda was tired or sad. Then when Idril their daughter was born, with the pointed ears that Mathilda so desired, she completely rejected both Eldanar and his Ada, having got what she finally wanted.
Tuor was at this time away from his family a lot. Mathilda, Eldanar and Idril lived in a ramshackle community, near the Iron Hills, while Tuor honoured his commitment as a galadhrim; guarding the fences at Lothlórien and in his absence could do nothing to protect Eldanar from what was going on at home. He was very unhappy and worried about his son and so turned once more to Sildil his closest friend, for sympathy and comfort.
Their friendship quickly turned to deep affection and love, but Tuor would not carry on the affair, as even though he had by now realised that his wife had been using him, technically he was still married and also feared for Eldanar’s safety. He and Sildil agreed that they would not be together until Tuor had talked to his wife. Sildil understood this, though he did find it hard to accept as he had never felt so strongly for anyone before. He had started to sketch Tuor, and now, here in Imladris had found himself looking at the drawings more and more, the only record he had of their brief relationship.
At this point, having returned to the Iron Hills to confront Mathilda, Tuor and his wife had their worst row, ending with Tuor having to leave things unresolved. He had been called to join the small army going to Helm’s Deep. Mathilda turned her bitterness and anger against Eldanar even more and made his life a complete misery.
Tuor could not take Mathilda’s deception and unkindness any more and decided that the very moment he returned, he would not leave his children with their mother a second longer than necessary, that he and Sildil would bring them to Lothlórien and they would all live together. He would then acknowledge Sildil as his lover and partner. It was at this point, when they had decided to commit themselves to one another that Sildil drew the picture of Tuor that he later gave to Eldanar, the last picture he drew of his friend.
Tuor and Sildil left together for Helm’s Deep.
Sildil still sat quietly on his vantage point but did not see the water gently flowing by, or hear the sounds of the birds and small creatures busying themselves on the river bank. Instead his mind was full of the horrifying images and noise of battle. He was not a natural warrior. He was more than capable of fighting and was fairly skilled with a bow, but in truth had only volunteered to go to Helm’s Deep to be by Tuor’s side, and if he had expected anyone to be killed it was himself, not his beloved Tuor.
He could still see, would always see, the moment that he fell. It happened so fast, no time for words of comfort. One minute they were fighting side by side, and the next Tuor was gone, the expression on his face one of surprise and disbelief.
Sildil was devastated, but instead of fading or foolishly getting himself killed in grief, he felt that he owed it to the memory of his friend to try to take care of Eldanar, who he knew was unloved and hated by his mother.
After the battle, Sildil was too distressed and sick to do anything about finding Eldanar. He spent a long time recovering from his loss, more so because he would not tell anyone about it. By the time he was recovered and had tracked down the elfling’s home, Eldanar had already run away. Sildil traced him to Imladris, and on finally finding him, had been happy to discover that his friend’s son had been adopted by Elladan and Orophin, who both loved him dearly, and was beginning to get over the abuse he had suffered at the hands of his mother.
Eldanar was so happy and contented that Sildil did not wish to disturb his new-found peace in any way, and decided then and there that he would never do anything to upset him. He gave Eldanar his ada’s quiver and remained at Imladris, content to be near his lover’s son and to watch over him.
With such painful memories of his friend and lover reawakened, he seriously wondered if he could do this. He thought long and hard about leaving Imladris, going as far away as possible from Eldanar, who was such a vivid reminder of Tuor. The child was safe now and obviously well-loved, not just by his new parents but by all who lived and worked in Rivendell.
But then Sildil thought of how much he would miss Eldanar, and all the friends he had made, and a spark of hope grew in his heart that perhaps they might miss him too, if he left?
He always felt that he had never been a particularly brave elf, and knew that people often thought him silly, but he was happy here in Imladris and suddenly the thought of running away and burying his grief again was not as attractive as it had seemed an hour or so ago. Perhaps it was a foolish thing to keep his love for Tuor a secret from the elf’s son? After all, the simple truth was that he and Eldanar’s ada had loved each other very much, and Sildil had so many memories that he wanted to share with the child.
Sildil stared out at the river for a moment longer and then, wiping his eyes, he got up from his seat, brushed himself down, and returned to the shop where he knew he had left a somewhat bewildered Eldanar. As he drew near he could hear the chatter and friendly banter and see the warm light spilling out from the window. He paused for a moment, his courage failing, but then he heard Eldanar’s voice ring clear above everyone else’s and decided that he owed it to Tuor to do this, it was what he would have wanted.
So, summoning the little bit of courage he had, and head held high, he pushed the door open and started his new life.
Sildil Thinking
geek6 (Eldanar)here it is. So for those of you who know and love the silly elf, Sil's Dilemma....
It’s funny how things can change in a just a few minutes. Sildil had been having one of those typical conversations with the elfling Eldanar, about being grown up and having responsibilities. The discussion turned to how, if Eldanar’s adopted ada Elladan, had to be Lord of Imladris, Eldanar and Orophin would be there to hold his hand and support and look after him.
It made Sildil feel wistful as he realised that he missed such totally accepting love and comfort. He started to think sadly about friends who were missing, or that he had lost. He did have people who were dear to him here in Imladris, like Nov, who was always looking out for him, Luthien, Estelle, Lord Anu and Tux among others; yet he suddenly felt achingly lonely and afraid. Perhaps his dark mood had really started when heard that Tux was going to be taking a position as a guard? A conversation with Tux and Taelin had scared him after Taelin had described how he had recently been injured by orcs while doing guard duty. Many buried memories had pushed themselves to the surface and given Sildil concern about Tux’s safety. Lord Anu had not been around to cheer Sildil up as he had business elsewhere, and in his increasing depression he recalled how badly he had behaved to Morgana some time earlier in the year, and how he had hurt her. He could never begin to explain himself.
When he muttered to Eldanar that he was not very good company as there was a black cloud hanging over him today, and that he was missing his friends, Eldanar had rolled his eyes and said that it was probably because everyone was always busy.
Eldanar’s expression and look took Sildil completely by surprise. In the way that all at once, children can take on the characteristics of one parent or the other, Eldanar looked the very image of his ada, Tuor, and the sudden reminder of the fair elf hurt. Everyone knew that Sildil and Tuor had been good friends, that after Tuor died at Helm’s Deep, Sildil had searched everywhere for Eldanar, to give him his ada’s quiver as he had promised, but no one knew, because Sildil had never told anyone, that in fact he and Tuor been lovers.
Being suddenly reminded of his lost love, together with his black mood, sent Sildil out of the shop hurriedly, as he could not face being reminded of Tuor anymore as he looked at the elfling. Nor could he face trying to explain his sorrow to him, especially as he had vowed to himself never to tell anyone how he had felt. Sildil did not want to upset Eldanar in any way now that he had found him happy and settled with his new adas, Orophin and Elladan.
Sildil wanted to get as far away as he could, and as fast as he could. He needed somewhere to sit and think. After walking for a mile or so, he found a peaceful spot overlooking the river, sat down and allowed himself to remember his closest friend.
Sildil knew Tuor for many years, long before his friend had met and married Eldanar’s mother, a mortal woman named Mathilda. Sildil had been happy for the elf and had defended his friend’s choice of partner at first, as many thought that Tuor was making a mistake, but Sildil could see that his friend was happy and that was all that mattered to him. The first hint that things were not quite right with the marriage appeared when Tuor had told Sildil that he was leaving Lothlórien and was going to move to his wife’s home near the Iron Hills. Mathilda was pregnant and wanted to be near her family.
Sildil missed Tuor more than he liked to admit. He had come to realise that his feelings for his friend had steadily grown deeper, but he told himself that his love had to stay unrequited as Tuor had made his choice and was now married with a child on the way. He did not see Tuor again until his first child was born, by which time things had started to go seriously wrong. Tuor had not realised that Mathilda had only married him so that she could have a pointy-eared elvish child, and when Eldanar arrived, with rounded, human ears, she was bitterly disappointed and began to subtly mistreat the infant. Tuor had tried to make things right, and thought at first that it was just because Mathilda was tired or sad. Then when Idril their daughter was born, with the pointed ears that Mathilda so desired, she completely rejected both Eldanar and his Ada, having got what she finally wanted.
Tuor was at this time away from his family a lot. Mathilda, Eldanar and Idril lived in a ramshackle community, near the Iron Hills, while Tuor honoured his commitment as a galadhrim; guarding the fences at Lothlórien and in his absence could do nothing to protect Eldanar from what was going on at home. He was very unhappy and worried about his son and so turned once more to Sildil his closest friend, for sympathy and comfort.
Their friendship quickly turned to deep affection and love, but Tuor would not carry on the affair, as even though he had by now realised that his wife had been using him, technically he was still married and also feared for Eldanar’s safety. He and Sildil agreed that they would not be together until Tuor had talked to his wife. Sildil understood this, though he did find it hard to accept as he had never felt so strongly for anyone before. He had started to sketch Tuor, and now, here in Imladris had found himself looking at the drawings more and more, the only record he had of their brief relationship.
At this point, having returned to the Iron Hills to confront Mathilda, Tuor and his wife had their worst row, ending with Tuor having to leave things unresolved. He had been called to join the small army going to Helm’s Deep. Mathilda turned her bitterness and anger against Eldanar even more and made his life a complete misery.
Tuor could not take Mathilda’s deception and unkindness any more and decided that the very moment he returned, he would not leave his children with their mother a second longer than necessary, that he and Sildil would bring them to Lothlórien and they would all live together. He would then acknowledge Sildil as his lover and partner. It was at this point, when they had decided to commit themselves to one another that Sildil drew the picture of Tuor that he later gave to Eldanar, the last picture he drew of his friend.
Tuor and Sildil left together for Helm’s Deep.
Sildil still sat quietly on his vantage point but did not see the water gently flowing by, or hear the sounds of the birds and small creatures busying themselves on the river bank. Instead his mind was full of the horrifying images and noise of battle. He was not a natural warrior. He was more than capable of fighting and was fairly skilled with a bow, but in truth had only volunteered to go to Helm’s Deep to be by Tuor’s side, and if he had expected anyone to be killed it was himself, not his beloved Tuor.
He could still see, would always see, the moment that he fell. It happened so fast, no time for words of comfort. One minute they were fighting side by side, and the next Tuor was gone, the expression on his face one of surprise and disbelief.
Sildil was devastated, but instead of fading or foolishly getting himself killed in grief, he felt that he owed it to the memory of his friend to try to take care of Eldanar, who he knew was unloved and hated by his mother.
After the battle, Sildil was too distressed and sick to do anything about finding Eldanar. He spent a long time recovering from his loss, more so because he would not tell anyone about it. By the time he was recovered and had tracked down the elfling’s home, Eldanar had already run away. Sildil traced him to Imladris, and on finally finding him, had been happy to discover that his friend’s son had been adopted by Elladan and Orophin, who both loved him dearly, and was beginning to get over the abuse he had suffered at the hands of his mother.
Eldanar was so happy and contented that Sildil did not wish to disturb his new-found peace in any way, and decided then and there that he would never do anything to upset him. He gave Eldanar his ada’s quiver and remained at Imladris, content to be near his lover’s son and to watch over him.
With such painful memories of his friend and lover reawakened, he seriously wondered if he could do this. He thought long and hard about leaving Imladris, going as far away as possible from Eldanar, who was such a vivid reminder of Tuor. The child was safe now and obviously well-loved, not just by his new parents but by all who lived and worked in Rivendell.
But then Sildil thought of how much he would miss Eldanar, and all the friends he had made, and a spark of hope grew in his heart that perhaps they might miss him too, if he left?
He always felt that he had never been a particularly brave elf, and knew that people often thought him silly, but he was happy here in Imladris and suddenly the thought of running away and burying his grief again was not as attractive as it had seemed an hour or so ago. Perhaps it was a foolish thing to keep his love for Tuor a secret from the elf’s son? After all, the simple truth was that he and Eldanar’s ada had loved each other very much, and Sildil had so many memories that he wanted to share with the child.
Sildil stared out at the river for a moment longer and then, wiping his eyes, he got up from his seat, brushed himself down, and returned to the shop where he knew he had left a somewhat bewildered Eldanar. As he drew near he could hear the chatter and friendly banter and see the warm light spilling out from the window. He paused for a moment, his courage failing, but then he heard Eldanar’s voice ring clear above everyone else’s and decided that he owed it to Tuor to do this, it was what he would have wanted.
So, summoning the little bit of courage he had, and head held high, he pushed the door open and started his new life.
Sildil Thinking
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-23 03:14 pm (UTC)Poor Sil... *hugs Sildil tightly*
And I just love the way we all manage to create such vivid histories for our characters...
Lúthien
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-24 04:14 am (UTC)Yes, I find it a bit scary actually!..Sildil is becoming dangerously real!
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-23 03:16 pm (UTC)*hugs Sildil*
Of course we will miss him if he leaves! And Nov doesn't think him silly! She thinks he is very brave, funny and adorable.
But the story was great, thanks for sharing it with us.
Nov
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-24 04:18 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-24 12:15 pm (UTC)Nov
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-24 12:29 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-23 06:02 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-24 04:20 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-23 06:20 pm (UTC)Fabulous story, darling. I see your talents grow by leaps and bounds, and it thrills me to no end. :)
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-24 04:24 am (UTC)...and thank you!
(no subject)
Date: 2004-03-24 07:25 am (UTC)