Life is never dull around here...

[sildil]

Those of you who remember my mentioning my Dad just after Christmas and quite a few posts back might be interested to read the latest in the ongoing saga of Sildil family life.

I wrote to my Dad, telling him that I was not going to contact him again and have heard nothing. Not a word. Not a letter, not a phone call, not an email. And not a word of apology for shoving me off yet again and being hurtful. Mind you, I didn't expect contact nor want it, but it's interesting none the less.

(As an aside and to give a further indication of what the man is like, he refused to go to his ex-wife's deathbed (my birth mother) when she asked for him and he didn't go to the funeral either, in spite of them being friends. She had just two people there, her mother and her social worker, I didn't even know about it until it was all over, and even then he wasn't the one to tell me.)

Anyway, I wrote to my half-sister last week with some trepidation, as I am very fond of her and her brother and was worried that my severing contact with her Dad would have upset her and/or made things difficult for her. Anyway, I got a reply today with this paragraph in it:

"...Like you, I have been finding it harder and harder to deal with Dad and
swallow down repeated hurtful comments and...the list goes on doesn't it.
Anyway we had a huge row in which he got very angry and said he didn't want
to see me again and I remained quite calm and detatched and in fact have not
been upset since - feels a relief actually..."

HOW can a parent say that to a child? Especially one as nice as my sister, seriously she is one of the kindest, most balanced and together people I know, with two well behaved, adorable kids.

He is going to end up a very lonely and bitter old man.

What you give out does indeed come back thrice.

Comments

[jaiden-s.livejournal.com]

Absolutely, it does, and certainly he will. He deserves every moment of what is sure to be a lonely and bitter existance.

Good fucking riddance.

I hope you do have a nice chat with Anna. It sounds like you have had a common experience.

[sildil]

Yeah it does, doesn't it? I think both of us have put up with him for so long, made allowances because he's our parent, albeit a bad one. But now both of us are older, wiser and also both parents and you realise that you do NOT treat your kids that way.

I could never do that to my kids, neither could Simon, neither would his father, even though he could be a cantankerous old bastard, he NEVER sought to hurt, EVER.

It's his loss, his bed, his karma.

[mirien.livejournal.com]

I tell you I had a triumphant grin when I read that. Anna sounds great.

He's an old git, the fact you both now are not even on speaking terms with him must surely speak volumes even to him.

His loss.

[deathangelgw.livejournal.com]

wow. I...wow. I guess it just hurts to think that a parent could be that way to his kids! Not cool!! man...just ouch. BUT STILL at least you are in a better place in your life. It's just better this way and you are freeeeee!! *hugs*

[nienna-weeper.livejournal.com]

Is your father a drunk or on drugs? I don't mean to sound offensive, Sil, but good god. What an asshole.

I'm sorry, love. It's just pathetic that there are so many people who end up having kids that should never be parents. It's so wrong. And the kids are the ones who hurt the most.

*hugs you*

[sildil]

Anna IS great. And the above doesn't include what he has done to his son. Yeah it IS his loss, but I think he has no idea really, and probably won't until it is far, far, FAR too late.

[sildil]

In a much better place, definitely. And yes, it DOES hurt that a parent could do that to their own child. I've actually got used to t over the years starting from being adopted by grandparents (paternal) in the first place, but I feel for Anna at the moment, as it must be harder for her.

*hugs and thanks x*

[sildil]

He DOES drink, not as badly as some, but he DOES knock back a LOT of wine at a sitting, and then gets argumentative and beligerent, like most drunks do.

I have no doubt either that he has been drinking more since he got my letter, and that Anna has suffered as a consequence, however that is his decision, he's a grown man and knows very well what he's doing. In fact in the past he has lectured us on how drink is baaaad and had cut it out of his life more than once.

He is a VERY intelligent and clever man, BA, MA, PhD, and a writer, having dragged himself up from having nothing after leaving school with no qualifications at all. He was feckless as a teenager, but pushed himself through college as a mature student in his 30's. Seriously, he is charming when he wants to be, entertaining, VERY amusing, but also opinionated, arrogant and dogmatic.

We've both put up with him out of love and family loyalty, but there is only so much you can take. The danger is that his wife will take Anna's side and leave him, which she HAS done once before, albeit only for a very short while.

But as I said, karma. You truly reap what you sow.

*hugs tight*

[nienna-weeper.livejournal.com]

My dad was a good, caring, intelligent guy until he had a few drinks in him. Then he became a not-so-nice someone else. That's the reason I asked...

I'm sorry I missed you on YIM, love. Becky is sick again and I was upstairs with her for quite a while, trying to help her fall asleep.

Hope to catch you soon...

*loves you*

[deathangelgw.livejournal.com]

I have to remember to thank my parents for being so awesome again...*hugs and cuddles, petting* and hey, you gots good friends too!

[sildil]

Awww, I hope she feels better. And yes, John is very like that, except without the good and caring bit. Without the drink he is pleasant enough and tolerable, with the drink he is very tedious. *love back*

[chloe-amethyst.livejournal.com]

It's very good to be able to reach out to a sibling and get feedback that they share in common your experiences with parents. Yes, he seems to want to push people away and isn't able to appreciate having a connection with anyone. He'll be sad and alone on his deathbed, but he won't understand why. Those kinds of misanthropes never do.

[sildil]

He WILL be sad and alone and he will blame everyone but himself. Seriously we have all, Anna, Leon and me, put up with him for years and years. This however is the first time Anna and I have said more than just roll our eyes at each other, and I think it is long overdue.