Yep...my turn I'm afraid...

[sildil]

I feel I shouldn’t let the passing of the House of Feanor go without some comment.

Let me first say I am very sorry for the real family and friends of the person behind the House, they have lost someone they cared for, who had a history, who no doubt laughed, cried, ate, played and loved with them. But I never knew that person, none of us did. Oh yes, we got hints I guess, but when someone builds such a fantasy around themselves, how much do we know was actually real? Of course we don’t know at all and never can now.

ALL of us were duped to a lesser or greater extent, ALL of us were hoodwinked at some point, ALL of us were fed lies and someone's fantasies. Some people were cautious and sceptical from the start, some, probably myself included, began to get uncomfortable back last autumn, but carried on playing the game out of fear of being wrong and therefore seen to be callous and heartless, or from fear of losing approval and friends. For some it looked suspicious in March this year...some later still, some only recently.

The woman behind all this was incredibly good at what she did and managed to sustain this imaginary life very, very convincingly, she was also a master at covering her tracks. She divided and ruled and set people against one another...it must have been some sort of power game. Maybe she felt out of control of her own life in some way. I am not excusing it, she was in my opinion a manipulative, totally destructive person, but I am trying to understand it.

Erestor said, '...What I'm talking about is coldly calculated betrayal of trust, loyalty and friendship...' THAT is what IS the most damaging and destructive aspect of this sort of thing and sadly, all the real, genuine nice things that took place during this particular situation were undermined as well wherever they touched. Not destroyed, but damaged.

As I commented in Erestor’s LJ (and just repeat here) I did several paintings, drawings and portraits for the House and I have thought a lot about those these past few months and came to the conclusion that my stuff was produced out of a genuine love of doing the work. I learnt from it and grew with the experience. Just because the people I THOUGHT it was for didn't exist, in a way (regarding my painting) doesn't actually matter. I was genuine. I'm not excusing this person’s behaviour in the slightest - far, far from it, believe me as I know I have lost friends over it, but I only mentioned my thoughts in case it helped anyone else who feels that they have been duped and regret anything they did out of love and kindness. The love and care that you put into anything you did for the House and the woman behind it counts and matters.

If what I did gave the House some sort of pleasure then fine. They obviously needed it desperately.

Comments

[special-majick.livejournal.com]

You have a great way of looking at things, Sildil. I wish everyone could remember the intent behind their gifts, and not the manipulation that brought them about. Maybe now that this chapter is finally over, we can all begin to heal.

~Taelin

[sildil]

Thanks Tae. Well it was think that way or get bitter and twisted, and while I can do that with the best of them it seemed such a lot of effort to do so. I hope that my persepective might help other people who felt betrayed.

[jaiden-s.livejournal.com]

((hugs))
Well said, dear.

[sildil]

Thanks Jai, and thanks for being there too on numerous occasions!

[granamyr.livejournal.com]

Okay, am once again the most ignorant person on the planet and have no idea what's going on.

[sildil]

Basically feanaros_house, ie; Celebrimbor, Maeglin, Maglor and Narvi were all played by one person, Narvi, who was a woman called Kat. She died recently.

[deathangelgw.livejournal.com]

*hugs tightly*

[sildil]

((hugs back))

[iamhalfkin.livejournal.com]

It's me. I have been far too silent I know. Yet I have you, the wonderfull loving Sildil to thank for bringing me back to life this spring from the internet grave that the Feanorians had dug for me!
I am slowly making my rounds around the LJ's and finally putting my ten cents worth in. I have a rather long post over at Erestor's, hope she doesn't mind. It seems she has becaome a clearing house for the good and the bad of it all.
But heh! It is truly OVER! And the Healing WILL occur. I have a concert to get ready for now. Much love,
HalfKin

[sildil]

Well, as I said there ARE good things that have come out of this, one of them being getting to know you and the fact that you are now unleashed! I saw your post at Erestor's. Enjoy your concert :)